Protecting your children from abuse

Protecting your children from abuse entails so much more than talking. It’s a broad matter of how you actually raise them.

Below we have listed some strategies how to instill safe body boundaries in children.

Bond with your child.

Never underestimate the importance of creating a strong bond with your child based on trust, understanding and warmth. This includes listening to everything thery have to say and being patient over their mistakes. When you foster that loving connection with your child, they will know that you will always be there for them, full of love and without any judgements.

Model normal physical intimacy for your children.

Be physically affectionate with your children. Children thrive on it. Hug, kiss and cuddle them often. This helps model for them what normal and safe physical interaction is like. When being affectionate, choose not to be physical in ways a child molestor might also use e.g. kissing on lips or slapping the child on his bottom out of love.

Teach them the names of their body parts.

Teach your children the name of private body parts just as you would teach them the names of any other body parts. When in the bath or toilet you can tell them the parts which shouldn’t be touched by anyone and should be covered at all times. When children know the actual names of their body parts, they will know it’s okay to talk about them. In many cases the reason children can’t talk about abuse is because they don’t know what words to use. Which brings us to the next point:

Drop your inhibitions and talk.

As children grow and become more aware of their bodies, it’s very normal for them to to get curious and start exploring their bodies. Many parents may panic when their children ask them about their bodies, harshly rebuking them ending up attaching shame to their body parts. If children aren’t clearly told how to behave and what’s expected of them when it comes to their bodies, their curiosity will lead them to experiment with their own, friends’ or siblings private areas.

For little children tell them their private parts are special that’s why not everyone can see them. As they grow up, you can go on building on this conversation.

Make your children masters of their own bodies.

Let your children know that they are the boss of their own bodies. This means letting them be in control of who touches their body and how. Children learn by how we interact with them so model the behaviour for your children. For example “I don’t want you to climb over me. Please stop.” Likewise respect your child’s choice if he doesn’t want to be touched a certain way at a certain time. “Looks like you don’t want me to cuddle you right now. That’s okay.” This also goes for other adults who might want to hug or kiss your child as a way of greeting them. If your child backs away, don’t force them into doing it. On the other hand, you also need to teach children to respect other people’s boundries. When they are playing rough with a sibling or a friend they need to stop when the other person says stop.

Respect your child’s privacy and boundaries even if they are too young to know anything.

Many habits are subconciously built into children while they are still very young. This includes developing a sense of privacy. Hence when they are still babies, try to change them in seclusion. This should include advising older children to respect their sibling’s privacy.

Also when your children are starting to notice things (around age 2) avoid changing your own clothes infront of them.

Choose appropriate entertainment content.

Unfortunately many of the content for children (tv shows, movies, games, books) these days contain inappropriate imagery and sexual undertones.

Children obviously pick up on what they see and try to duplicate it on themselves. Thus choose wisely what your children are exposed to. Talk to them about good role models which they can follow.

Create a “Safety Network”.

Children should have access to number of people around them whom they know they can trust and turn to when the need be. This can include an older sibling, grandparents, an aunt or a teacher. This group of people can form your children’s “safety network”, the people they can turn to whenever they feel threatened or unsafe.